The After
by Tifa's pride
Summary: The aftermath of the Tifa suicide note series. Angst. I don't like this one but its as good as its going to get. So there.


**Author's notes: ****Well here it is folks, the funeral of Tifa Lockhart and the events immediately after her suicide everyone finding out and such. This is the second to last in my manically depressed Tifa season. I know what you've been thinking, 'but Tifa's the happy optimist!' Well I have new for you buddy, even optimists have a breaking point and while all her friends going about there own lives no one was there to protect Tifa from herself. The reference to what Aeris said is from my story 'if I said I loved you' you have to read that to truly understand, but if you've followed this series you would have already. **

**Dedication: ****To Koran and Woody…sleep tight angels **

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own what?**

**The after**

'What the fuck was she thinking?' Is all that Barrett could bring himself to think. 'I mean I know she's been a bit down lately but I never thought she'd do this.' And then they came again, those salty tears. They left his cheeks moist and his heart empty. Barrett was glad he was alone, he didn't think he could handle anyone right know. After all Tifa had been like a daughter to him, he loved her as much as he did his other little girl. 'Poor Marlene.' Was the next thought to plague his mind she had, after all, been the one to find the martial artists cold lifeless body. He didn't believe her when she first called, he couldn't believe her, this wasn't like Tifa. 'She's too strong for this…' he hoped against hope that this was just some vile twisted nightmare concocted by his mind, but it was not, this is the reality of it all. This is a list of the losses he has suffered, the losses that cut away at his heart like many blunt knifes. 1) His beautiful wife, the pain of that will never dull, it's still as sharp as the moment he fully realised her passing. 2) His best friend, now that one had a double edge to it, he lost him twice. 3) His friends Jessie, Biggs and Wedge. They were casualties of war but that didn't soothe the ache of loss. 4) Aeris, murdered by Sephiroth trying to say the planet, that one was still fresh. 5) Tifa…Dear sweet Tifa. Then he remembered the letter, the one she had written for him. He pulled out of his jacket pocket and carefully tore open the small white envelope that had his name on it in Tifa's spirally expressive script. _Dearest Barret, _It began, but that was enough to send him into a fit of uncontrolled weeping and painful sobs. It could be considered quite a sight, a big macho man like Barrett breaking at two simple words. However had who have cared for Tifa the way Barrett did you'd have been the same, an uncontrollable emotional wreck. Nevertheless, Barrett willed himself to continue, obviously this contained things Tifa had wanted him to know. Then he saw it, in her own swirled words. _But don't blame him Barrett, it's not his fault. _And at that moment Barrett felt himself consumed by unrivaled rage, by uncontrollable fury. 'Dam chocobo-head angsty bitch!' was all he could think; now he had someone to blame.

Marlene listened to her father sob in the other room, she watched Denzil weep in the corner of there room and all she could think was 'why?' Why had Tifa done this to them, why had she wanted to leave her so badly, to leave Denzil...she couldn't think anymore, she herself was crying now, hot tears leaving burning tracks down her cheeks, grief chocked the tears from her eyes like an angry beast squeezing the life from its helpless victim. She suddenly found Denzils arms enveloping her, she looked up at him, and tears were falling from his eyes to. He uttered a simple sentence but it made Marlene feel so much safer. "I'm here Marlene…"

Yuffie was still sat on the floor were she had fallen upon hearing the news still repeating those same words to no one in particular. "No…No…Can't be it just can't…" There Yuffie sat denying the truth, denying the slightest possibility that it could be truth, 'Tifa wouldn't do that, she just wouldn't' was what Yuffies mind screamed at her. Yuffie would have sat there all day refusing to accept the plain and simple truth had Cid not arrived at her house. She ushered him in and instead of the usual insults and arguments that seem to ensue whenever the two are together Cid simply put his arms around the young girl and let the terrible reality take root in her mind and bloom into astringent wailing and inaudible words, but Cid held fast withholding his tears. He saved them for a time when he was alone, for when no one was there to see him break. For the longest time he just held the ninja close letting her bare all, waiting for his turn to cry out in frustration, for his turn to scream out the helplessness he was feeling. He would wait though, wait until the girl had fallen victim to a grief full slumber before he would leave her and wield to his own tears. His façade would hold fast, he would not, could not break in front of everyone else, he had to be strong for them. His time to grieve would come.

Vincent had only one thing on his mind, finding Cloud. He was the only one who didn't know about Tifa and in Vincents mind, he was the one who needed to know the most. After all, he was the one who had caused this; this was now one of his sins no matter how hard Tifa would deny that Cloud was responsible for this. Unlike Aeris death he was the cause of this one, at least that is what Vincent thought. 'Tifa is gone and Cloud is the reason' Vincent sighed to himself. He had really liked the girl, she wasn't like most it's not something that he could explain. Vincent had been searching for hours, since the moment he found out. 'Well, its better than breaking down like Barrett is!' Was all Vincent could let himself think. Then he spotted him. 'That spiky haired, self obsessed, angst ridden jackass!' was the thought that claimed him, that an overwhelming desire to use Cerberus on him but he restrained himself, after all he wasn't in a position to judge. "Cloud…" He called out to him. He turned around startled at the sound of the vampiric man's voice.

"Vincent?" Cloud asked. 'Why's he here?' Cloud asked himself who couldn't answer.

"Cloud, Tifa…she…" Vincent was completely clueless of how to word it.

"What!?!" Cloud demanded. "What's happened now, is she ok?" but Cloud could tell by the look on Vincents face she wasn't.

"No…she…she's dead." Vincent replied delicately. Clouds blue eyes widened in startled surprise, his gloved hands curling into infuriated fits.

"Who was it, I'll kill the Bastard!" Cloud raged. Vincent sighed silently wishing someone else had taken on the burden of telling cloud.

"She…she killed herself." Cloud looked at him in disbelief; he sank to his knees his mouth hung open in bewildered trepidation. "She left you this…" Vincent handed him an envelope with his name on it. Cloud took it hesitantly then turned to Vincent and said.

"S-she…Killed…herself?" Vincent simply nodded the left Cloud with his letter, with Tifa's last words to him.

Cloud simply eyed the envelope for a moment Aeris's words ringing in his head, _She's the lost one now, she's the one who's waiting for someone to take her by the hand and tell her it'll all be ok. _'Why the hell didn't I listen to her?' He pleaded with himself as he opened the envelope. _Dearest Cloud. _Cloud couldn't read past that, he felt tears welling up inside him and he didn't want to water mark the paper. It was all he had left of his dear friend. That and memories. "Why didn't I listen to you Aeris!?!" he shouted to the heavens who simply refused to answer.

Exactly 10 days after she ended her life Tifa was laid to rest. Thrown back into the red earth. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, an ordinary august afternoon. Cloud couldn't take it, he felt as if the planet didn't care, didn't care about his pain. About Tifa's death. Cloud felt Barrett's eyes on him through out the ceremony, he felt the pain and anguish in his stare. It burnt into his skin, searing though his bones, drilling in the fact that this was his fault. He might as well have driven his blade into for he's just as responsible. At least then, he could be punished. Well he was being punished anyway, by Barrett. Barrett had already spend Clouds first 4 hours in Midgar attacking the blond-haired Adonis. Launching punches kicks and worst of all were his words. Barrett's words pierced his very soul. Barrett's word were true, the truth hurt. After all, beyond Tifa and avalanche what was it that bound them together? Nothing, and both of those were dead in the ground. Gone. 'I should have listened…' Was all the man could think. 'Tifa's gone…she's gone…all gone…I broke both my promises…I'm worthless…I couldn't save anyone…' All Cloud, or anyone could do was try. Try to deal with the hole that the dark-haired maiden had left in their hearts. Try not to forget. Try to live, not just exist to live.


End file.
